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  • Falling in Love

    falling in love is … complicated

    but you can’t help it. she’s fun and smart and pretty, and the more you get to love her, the prettier she gets. she’s’ lovely, has been the whole time. it’s your own eyes that are losing scales.

    rubbing up against her, you find frictions. sometimes the good ones that fuel the passions of all the good things, other times the heat that changes you that leaves you feeling like you fucked up, and are ready to do better.

    she’s everywhere you look, all the time, and you love her. she doesn’t go away, and you don’t want her to, because she is beautiful. so beautiful.

    but sometimes she makes you smile, and other times there are tears, and they are also beautiful.

    the secret is that she loves you too, and nothing.

    nothing.

    can prepare you for that.

  • Never Fall in Love with a Goddess

    never fall in love with a goddess, unless you can.

    it’s easy to see throughout history the dangers of women falling for Zeus or being prettier than Hera.

    but there’s little mention of the guys who fall for a goddess.

    she changes you, man, brings out things that you don’t think you can possibly even attain to.

    but you do.

    she’s somehow far away, you chase her all day, until you get that moment of breakthrough.

    so sweet her cool waters that slake the hot thirst, as you lift her veil

    and kiss her mouth

    and then she’s gone

    again.

    words are never enough, she ducks and hides and you lust for a second to catch her attention while she’s busy with things she might mention.

    in passing.

    you love her, it hurts, but you know what it’s worth, you get stronger with each passing season. closer and sooner, the moments combine and you live for it, no matter the reason.

    stronger, smarter, faster, your relentless pursuit helps you master the things that distract you, from the beauty of her eyes. The press of her lips. The treasures between her thighs. Her mind and heart, the quiet sounds of her breathing as she falls asleep.

    the things that make you feel alive.

    it takes strength, brother, it takes will, and you don’t really know what you’re after until it’s too late to stop because you got that taste, that smell, and it lingers and you want her more, to feel her fingertips on your own, to wake at night and make a light so you can see her face, for a moment.

    but it kills you to love a goddess.

    it’s a good death, worth every minute, don’t get me wrong, she’s there before long, and you rise up better, man, than you ever were before.

    simply because with her, you can.

    but never fall in love with a goddess

    unless you can.

  • Some Love Stuff

    I published a few things on Facebook that were related to Love while Venus was in Taurus lately. Imma post the ones i like the most here, feel free to share them as you will, or ignore them. I just want them saved.

  • A Commiseration for the Magi

    I think if I could go back and not do the Work, I would.

    It changes you, and you know things. Things that are harder to live with, more challenging. It gives you the strength to deal with it, but it also makes you more sensitive to things other people don’t have to deal with.

    There are things I’d rather not know, that I know, and I can’t forget. There are things I’d rather not know how to do that I can’t stop doing now, because there’s no off switch, there’s just turn it on and go.

    It ruins you for a normal life. No one ever mentions it, so a warning for folks called to this path: be prepared to be changed.

    Be prepared to see people in all their weakness, and to love them anyway. Be prepared to set aside your tenets. They are false in the face of love. Be prepared to be wrong, so wrong, and be prepared to be set right. Be prepared for heartache, like you wouldn’t believe, grief that feels like death, and these words will not suffice to warn you about that, it’s a killer, but then you don’t die. You keep on living, in power. In knowledge. And then you have to will and dare. And keep silent.

    And the learning who and what you are never stops. And sometimes it’s amazing, and other time it’s just not pretty.

    And then when you’ve done the Work, you’re aware of all the things you fuck up, and you have to just deal with it. Fix it with the tools you’ve got at hand. Hope for the best.

    The “GREAT” in Great Work doesn’t mean super fun and always awesome. It just means big. It makes you big. Consider whether you want to be big before you take on the challenge. A bigger you is a bigger you. All you, all the time, and you know it, but you still have feelings, and they are bigger too.

    I say that as if we have a choice. But it’s not like any of us had a choice. We do the Work when we do it, and we suffer the consequences. Consider this a commiseration for the magi. It looked like fun and wealth and power and freedom, and it turned out to be a love that knows no bounds, that won’t stop, it just keeps going. There’s no escape to some hidden place where you get away from it, there’s just this love that goes on and on, and there’s … no off switch.


    And I lied at the top of this post. I’d do it every time.

  • A Pseudo-Review of One Truth and One Spirit

    Keith Readdy has recently published One Truth and One Spirit, subtitled “Aleister Crowley’s Spiritual Legacy.” This is not a true review, this is just a tribute.

    In this work, Keith has put together a lot of his personal research and published it for consumption by the masses. Overall, his research is interesting and provides an insight into history from a perspective that quite a few people will find useful in years to come.

    His academic and political presentations have been properly (in my humble opinion) analyzed, exposed, and addressed nicely in the following reviews:

    Review 1: By an OTO member who values Thelemic promulgation, sees the failures of the OTO in this regard, and wants to see it do better; also, I think, he feels that the Southern Baptist approach to Thelema is stupid, and that the idea of Duplexity is inbred white trash bullshit (paraphrasing, with intent). Neutral in terms of A.’.A.’. affiliation (he won’t join my preferred group, the bastard), and an honest expression of his likes and dislikes of Readdy’s work.

    Review 2: By an OTO member who values historic accuracy. Tons of historically provable facts, relies primarily on his 20 years of experience in the OTO and documentation he’s had access to, and his personal research. Totally one of Grady’s lineage in regards to the A.’.A.’., as becomes clear in his discourse.

    As much as I would LOVE to contribute another rebuttal to the presuppositions Keith’s book assumes, I don’t think it’s entirely necessary. People aware of the facts are aware of the facts, and there will be plenty of links to these reviews available online.

    Suffice it to say, the public face of the A.’.A.’. claimant group that the OTO is currently partnering with is founded on a dude from Tennessee’s assertion that he talked to the Secret Chiefs sometime in the 70s, and they told him he’s the leader of the A.’.A.’., for real, for real, he means it.

    Meanwhile the actual A.’.A.’.’s outer face continues its work, regardless of OTO recognition or affiliation, as it has since Aleister Crowley oversaw Jane Wolfe’s progress at Cefalu. There is only one A.’.A.’., and there is only one group that has maintained its link to its root and core. If you’re interested in the real A.’.A.’., check out OneStarinSight.org.

    But Keith Readdy put a ton of work into producing this book, and I know how hard that can be. I respect the work he’s done, and the information he provides. I’ve read most of it previously, when he published it under other pseudonyms publicly.

    I initially described this book as a Frankenstein’s monster sewn together from other works into a shambling golem stumbling towards some unsustainable view of the OTO dictated by Shiva X, a dude in Texas, and J. Daniel Gunther.

    That was probably a little harsh.

    My brother Keith spent a lot of time putting together his book, and that shit’s hard to do. This is a sizable chunk of his life, and I admire his ability to put this all together. I feel like he’s sincere in what he presents, and is super focused on making certain points, documenting them clearly and concisely.

    I also think he’s a pawn being used by a tiny little cabal in the OTO to further their overall plans of invalidating all other A.’.A.’. claimant groups, with a specific hard on against Phyllis Seckler and her heirs.

    Keith uses a lot of source-citing in his book, which is good. Unfortunately, I know the magical motto and civilian names of at least one of the people he cites repeatedly. He cites them as if they were different people in the footnotes, and that is kinda cool, you don’t want to out your brothers and sisters for sure, but it makes it look like he’s got twice as many sources supporting the Duplexity argument than he does. In real life, it’s one guy who had a thought and wrote an essay that Shiva X thought was cool, and then it got spun up into some kind of big deal. I happen to  like him as a brother in the OTO, even though we disagree about things A.’.A.’. in all the possible ways.

    His Duplexity argument is just trash. Not worth worrying over.

    I super enjoyed reading Keith’s book. It’s a snapshot of what some OTO Thelemites think about Thelema in general. It’s full of contradictions, and would fail every kind of basic internal consistency checks required by most documents, but it gives an interesting perspective on the history, present, and future of the OTO and the A.’.A.’. as it is currently viewed by one faction of organized Thelema.

    And it has interesting anecdotes.

    I would recommend reading it in context of the diaries of Jane Wolf, the Red Flame books regarding Jane and Crowley, and Karl Germer’s correspondence with Phyllis and Jane. Understanding the roots of the animosity against Phyllis that is expressed in this book also requires reading James Wasserman’s Through the Fire. It puts the whole thing into perspective, young pup meets A.’.A.’. leadership, doesn’t like that it’s a woman who tells him he’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing yet based on his obvious drug addictions and incomplete preparation for the rite, rebels and goes to someone else who has an actual penis because that’s what matters most to him.

    Ugh.

    Anyway, if you read Keith’s book, respect the work that he put into it, forgive his bias, and spend some effort learning the full story of how things work. It’s not his fault.

    The Law that was adopted by the O.T.O. comes from the A.’.A.’., as Crowley states in Liber CCC. I support the OTO because it’s easy. At the end of the day though, the OTO is not the One True Thelemic body that will carry out the work of the A.’.A.’. if it loses sight of the actual Law; it’s only the most convenient at the moment. If members in positions of authority continue to push against the legitimate heirs to the A.’.A.’. in favor of 1970’s would-be gurus who hear voices confirming their innermost desires, the A.’.A.’. will find a better vehicle to support its work.

  • Knowledge and Conversation with the Holy Guardian Angel, Part 1

    Hey guys, I’m going to host a talk Monday evening at 6:00 PM Central on the Holy Guardian Angel, and what it’s all about, and what it’s really like when you meet them, and how to have a good time in the process of meeting them.

    Topics will include, but are not limited to:

    • The History of the HGA
    • Methods of Meetings
    • Conversation, it’s a Thing

    I’m only planning to talk for 45 minutes or an hour, but I’d love to have you present to ask questions and interact. It’s a nice way to wrap up the weekend, in my opinion. $25 for a seat.




  • Conjuring Demons using the Seven Spheres Technique: An Hour-Long Workshop

    Edit a
    [Edit Again: Due to popular demand, I will be having another one Monday January 14, 2019 from 6:00-7:00 PM CST.]

    I’m going to be offering a class on conjuring Demons using the techniques of conjuration described in the Seven Spheres. I’ll be focusing on the Dukes, because I like them the most, and Bune specifically, because … eloquence. I needs some.

    You’ll get a talk from me for about 30-45 minutes, a Q&A session for about 15 minutes, and all you have to do is send me $25 through PayPal.

    If you’re interested, please respond by 12:00 PM Central. I’ll send the Gotomeeting information to the emails associated with your PayPal, unless you tell me otherwise. You can ping me on FaceBook Messenger if you want the info sent to a different email address.

    You’ll dial in, I’ll be on with a camera, you’ll learn, and in one hour you’ll know everything you need to conjure a spirit in ways that would make Jake Stratton-Kent turn over in his grave, if he were dead yet. Use the button below to make sure I know you’re interested.

  • Omaha

    ‘Omaha…


    Somewhere in middle America
    Get right to the heart of matters
    It’s the heart that matters more
    I think you’d better turn your ticket in
    And get your money right at the door


    – Counting Crows


    Tonight my son, who is 15, is going to be teaching a class on the Magus Card of the Thoth Tarot deck, as a part of Thelema 101, a class he’s presenting with Harper Feist. She’ll be teaching the gematria of Love and Will in the Greek and doing some Isopsephy with people’s names. It’s going to be cool.

    Listening to him prepare has got me thinking about the Magus card in general, and magicians in particular. I’ve been doing these classes on Thursdays that are about Hermetic basics, and the Magus card of the Thoth deck is totally us. All the symbols on it are the symbols of Magick. They are the tools of the Magician. Elemental, scriptorial, the things necessary to take a thought and make it manifest in the material world where it can be experienced. All the Hermetic Magick Stuff.

    But guys, where is the Magician? Right there in the center. All the symbols that represent the elements circle around him. The Magus is the center of the universe, and all the things that manifest in it.

    And I heard in my head Counting Crows singing about Omaha, somewhere in the middle of America, and the heart of the matter, and the heart that matters more.

    The Magus is all air and Mercury, and it doesn’t talk a lot about the heart. But before the Mind of Air, or the powers of Mercury can focus on making a thing manifest using the symbols of the spiritual elements of our daily existence, there has to be something you want. Something you desire.

    And that’s the heart. And it’s the heart that matters more.

    To me, the heart is the source that tells us what we want, and what we like, and what we love. It beats in the middle of the Magus. It’s the source of the ideas that manifest. It’s the instructor of the mind. It’s the indicator of success and failure. It’s what tells you whether you’re doing it right. And whether you’re fucking up.

    Joseph Campbell talked about following your bliss to find enlightenment. In Thelema, the phrase goes “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. Love is the law, love is the law, love under Will.”

    That love, our hearts are the only real guides we have in this path of magick that means anything. Gotta listen. Gotta be in the middle, balanced within the symbols we use as tools to make this world as we see fit.

    And we can’t be without listening to the Heart.

    It’s the heart that matters more.

  • Holy Crap. The Air Force Rocks.

    Browsing the news feed, I found Lt. General Jay B. Silveria’s recent response to racist comments written on the doors of black human beings in the Air Force Academy’s prep school. Dude has some powerful things to say, and they are simple.

    Watch it, it’s great.

    But guys, this is not just a speech. This is a sermon. And I find in his words the current, the power, the force that I tap into to accomplish my great work on the daily. He’s talking about something that matters. He’s talking about it in the context of his institution. He’s speaking from moral outrage. He’s speaking from the heart about how his community, his tribe is behaving. He’s talking about doing better, being better, or gtfo.

    And guys, this is what I think we’re all about in this Rosicrucian Hermetic Great Work schtick. this planet, this shared space we all inhabit, this is our “institution.” We are the leaders, the members, the followers that make up humanity. We are the people that create and experience this world. We are the owners of this existence. It’s ours.

    And we have a better idea. Those of us into this thing. Our idea is better, because it is compassionate. It is clear. It is fair. It is cool, for us, for our partners and allies, and for our children. This idea is that we are something divine, who have taken on the form of mortal humanity, and that each of us is worthy of respect, no matter where that person is at in their path, no matter how stupid they might be in this incarnation, no matter how bad their decisions might be, compassion, illumination, enlightenment itself is not about being good, feeling good, or doing good.

    Dude nailed it. Right on the head.

    If you can’t treat someone with dignity and respect, then get out.

  • Applied Hermetics for Masters

    I’ve been running a weekly broadcast on Facebook from the local O.T.O. lodge called “Applied Hermetics.” The goal of this effort isn’t necessarily to teach magick, or even Hermetics. It’s to talk about what we’re all about in this Hermetic thing.

    Illumination – Easy as 1-2-3

    This Magick thing.

    Now, there are a ton of people teaching the fundamental processes of magick these days. Plenty of folks will teach you advanced methods to get laid and paid. I think Jason Miller’s courses are probably cutting edge, but many of my former students have branched out into the world of teaching magick, and they are doing a fine job of it.

    And honestly, I’m sick of teaching magick. I have a limited spiel on the subject, really. Get into the four elements, get initiated into the Seven Spheres of the planets, take the plunge into the Eighth Sphere and learn to Hymn in Silence and become a Power. Make the freakin’ Stone. Make it into medicine, and heal the world.

    I mean, honestly, that’s it. There’s a few years worth of Work involved, but it could be condensed to only a couple, depending on how fucked up you are about things. Each initiation comes with a purification period that influences your mind, body, and experienced reality. It’s a process. I hope you’re doing it.

    But when you’ve done it, then what? What are you? Who are you? Why are you here?

    Most of the answers to these questions get answered as you do the Work. We know we’re god-flesh-all-at-once, we know we’re here to create and experience our realities. We know we’re illuminated masters, curious Eyes looking at everything, and beaming our manifest wills into the raw potentiality that becomes our daily lives.

    We get that part, it’s not that hard, really. Like the image of the levitating yogi. Tools, techniques, and making it look good. That’s about it, seriously. We just have better tools. And we make it look better.

    But this kind of thing seems to be rather muddy when it gets applied. There’s confusion, doubt, and a lack of personal discipline that results in thinking we’re nuts, or other people thinking we’re nuts.

    I’ve learned first-hand that you can’t just say you’re Illuminated and you’ve made the Philosopher’s Stone, and that you have all the answers that vex the average person without getting flack for it. Some people attack you for having the gumption to admit it publicly, because they haven’t got it yet. Other people attack you for having the gumption to admit it publicly, because they have it, and they don’t think you’re supposed to go public.

    Basically, both those groups of people can go fuck themselves, in my humble opinion.

    I worked my ass off to get here, and so did you. I’ll be fucked if I am going to sit by and pretend like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Fuck that shit. Life happens as I speak it into being, and I’m supposed to pretend like I’m a cube farmicle? We can do better. I can do better.

    I just think it’s useful to talk to other people about this stuff. Do some exercises and relaxation meditations. Rise through the spheres. Talk shop. You know, work together to get things going, in our own lives, in the spheres that we manage, and together for all the plebes and troglodytes who just haven’t done the work yet.

    It’s arrogant, and assumes a lot. I get that, and I’m ok with that.

    Join me on Thursday nights, we’ll be going over Hermetics and the application thereof. Like pros. Not like noobs.