Posts by frredactumopus

Author: frredactumopus

  • Working with Spirit Pots

    Hey-O! Your friendly neighborhood Hermetic mage Rufus Opus here!

    Disclaimer: They Aren’t Really “Spirit Pots”

    Before going any further with this spirit pot thing, I’m going to tell the origin story of spirit pots for the massive amounts of readers I’ve attracted lately who weren’t here for the first part of my Work when I was going through all this in the first place.

    I was on the Solomonic yahoo group talking about Solomonic and other types of grimoire magic with Aaron Leitch, Jake Stratton Kent, Brother Moloch, Zadkiel, Joe Peterson, and a bunch of other people who are noteworthy and should be paid attention to. Aaron and Jake were talking about the relationship of the ATRs and Solomonic magic, and Aaron suggested that a spirit pot would be an interesting way to work with a spirit of, say, for example, the Lemegeton’s Goetia. He drew analogies between the brass vessel of the Lesser Key’s Goetia and the spirit pot of Palo. And I was like, wow, what a great idea! So I did it, and it worked great.

    So please understand, I am not saying this is an authentic Palo Spirit Pot. I am not saying this is how the authentic grimoire magicians actually worked with their spirits. I am not saying the brass vessel of the Lesser Key is actually a spirit pot like the ones I’m talking about here. These are simply spirit pots that are pots with spirits in it along with stuff that is traditionally associated with the same sphere as the spirits are associated with. I say that hoping to stave off “that guy,” but I suspect that, like one of the more recent posts, I will again attract “that guy” anyway. I don’t really care, it’s kind of fun to argue with the unenlightened. I can totally pass it off as Projection of the Stone.*

    Ok, so the disclaimer is out of the way, and you folks who skimmed it are probably here already, before I even finished writing it.

    Working with the “Not Really Spirit Pots:” Conjuration


    The first thing you’ll have to do after combining the ingredients in the pot (herbs ruled by the planet, use Agrippa, some dirt from your yard, and the Seal of the Spirit, preferably in the appropriate metal of the planet the spirit is associated with, but also paper works; see my Modern Goetic Grimoire for deets if you don’t have them, or esotericarchives.com for free) is conjure the spirit.

    I recommend creating a real life Magic Circle at least one time before beginning this kind of Work. It does things to you, man. Awesome things. Make the one from the Lesser Key’s Goetia. It will teach you everything you need to know about the world you are a part of that you should have learned from Agrippa’s Scale of the Number 10.

    Also, it helps to have K&CHGA. It’s not that hard, but it can take a while. Totally worth it.

    I’m also digging being an ordained Priest in a lineage that (possibly) goes back to Jesus Christ his own self. I got the power to make things holy by blessing them, even demons. Mwahahahahaha…**

    (Thanks Jason and Shawn!)

    I use a modification of the Trithemian Art of Drawing Spirits into Chrystals, which is in my Modern Goetic Grimoire, to conjure the spirit. If you want to use this method, I think it’s awesome and easy, and useful. It’s not traditional and it might kill you.*** If it does, it’s not my fault. You can use whatever suits you, if you don’t like that particular approach, but again, if you do any of this magic, it’s not safe. It might very well change your life, and people, that is dangerous.

    Magic, she works.

    So be warned, when this stuff kicks in and you’re like, wow, just … wow…

    It’s not my fault.

    So you conjure the spirit. You invite it to live in the pot and work with you from that pot, making it a viable, living talisman, a physical manifestation of that spirit on the material plane. When it approves, you mention you want it to play nice and be a good dude. You constrain it to not harm anyone or anything. You bless its actions and its purpose and its intention. You thank it. You treat it like a guest.

    You say at the end, “As you came in peace, so now remain in power.”

    Think about that before you say it out loud. Make sure you can handle that shit.

    After the Conjuration

    Now that your spirit pot is live, you’ll want to use it right away I’m sure. You’ll need to master two things:

    • Clean and clear statements of intent
    • Appropriate Offerings

    Everyone I’ve ever talked to about working with the spirits of the Lesser Key has come away with lessons about being specific in your statements of intent. At a recent talk (MNCON) the thing that the experienced conjurors could all agree on was that working with these spirits is a lesson in loopholes. You learn quickly how you can get everything you ask for, and nothing you want.

    Working with these spirits is a bit of … well, work. They are not human. They have a different set of senses, experiences, values, goals, and senses of humor. They need guidance, training, and a firm hand. They will take advantage of you as long as you let them, but over time you’ll learn what works with them the best. Give them lots of offerings, at first, and see how they manifest things. Then sharpen you statement of intent skills, develop the laser focus. And ration the offerings, the way you train animals.

    They aren’t animals, by any means, and I hope this doesn’t come across like I’m saying you should act in any way other than respectful of entities that have been around millenia longer than you have been, who will be here much longer after you’re dust. I’m just saying, humans are a part of the celestial hierarchy, same as the Archangels and the Demons, according to Hermetic teachings, and you’ve got to accept your role as Ishim in the flesh, straddle the heavens and the hells, and direct your legions of spirits…

    Like a boss.

    Just remember, you’re in training too. These guys are awesome, powerful, mischievous, and smarter than you. They will work with you to make you skillful in your mastery of your kingdom if you’re not a fool. Listen to them when they offer advice, as you get used to them.

    Be measured, don’t do “whatever the demon says” because that’s stupid. Do, however, learn to listen to them and learn from them. It will pay off quickly.

    Practical Stuff

    How to make offerings and requests, the 10,000 foot view

    • Four candles placed around the spirit pot, anointed/sanctified in some way (abramelin oil, holy water, florida water, prayer)
    • A shot of something can be fun too, whisky, wine, vodka, whatever you feel is appropriate for the spirit; optional
    • Clear statement of intent ready before you go
    • Say “[Spirit name], hear me and accomplish the desires I bring you, without tricks or deception. Bring me specifically what I desire. Manifest for me in the material world [statement of intent] with no harm or damage to any one. Make me aware of the opprtunities in ways that even I cannot mistake or miss. Receive this offering to make it so.”
    • Light the candles.
    • Anoint the seal or pot with the shot, if you have one.

    You’re done.

    If you don’t get what you asked for in two weeks, don’t rush into blaming the spirit or yourself. Go back and think about what you asked for, and whether you missed any opportunities. Think of another way to say it. Craft your statement of intent carefully, and make the offerings contingent on the success.

    Also, take small steps at first, with little risk. The greater the change you request, the more opportunity you’re creating for things to go wrong. A series of small steps is much more likely to be successively successful than one huge massive change, and it will give you time to adjust, adapt, and learn what works best with the spirit you have in your pot.

    Keep your requests simple enough that they can manifest through natural means, in ways that aren’t necessarily obvious that something amazing is going on in your life. Be strategic. Re-read Jason Miller’s Strategic Sorcery if you haven’t in a while.

    Keep a record of your requests and your results, especially as you get to know the spirit and how it works so you can see what works and what doesn’t. Review it, because no mater what you think, you will forget something it said, or you thought, or you said, or it thought along the way, and you’ll really appreciate it later if you write it down now.

    Have Fun

    So I made a sort of big to do about the potential dangers of this stuff, but remember, there’s nothing you (or anyone else for that matter) can do with magic that cannot be undone with magic. You can’t break anything, you can only make new opportunities to do more magic. Everything is an experience, even unto the very brief moments you spend breathing air on the planet in each incarnation. Don’t panic. Have fun.

    * Me to the unenlightened, Projecting the Stone into their lives: “You’re fucking stupid!”

    ** Or at least I think I do… Mwahahahahahahaha!

    *** I’m fine after 8 years of doing this kind of thing, doubt it will kill you, but it might make life interesting.

  • Scott Stenwick’s MNCON Presentation available!

    So one of the highlights of MNCON was getting to see Scott present his Enochian material in person.

    Granted, it was right after my presentation on wealth magick, in which I made sure to drink a lot of whiskey, so while I enjoyed it a great deal, I have vague recollections of it now.

    Fortunately, he’s made it available on his blog! 

    It’s almost like being there. Except without any “amens” from the RO’s.

  • Consecration Ritual of the Bune Spirit Pots

    Saturday night, Harper and I performed the consecration of the Bune Spirit Pots. She drove, letting me be free to just sit back and scry.

    By “She drove,” I mean she did all the conjuration aspects, while I took on the role of the seer. She wore the black robe and I wore the white. I did not do a lot of prep/opening work to receive Bune because I’ve worked with him so much in the past, and while making the copper seals, I had already felt his presence. I’d even cheated and made an offering to him Friday to help me find the words to put my contribution together for Aaron Leitch’s upcoming anthology on Offerings. In the pics, you’ll see the stain of a dried up drop of bourbon I’d placed as an offering on the seal.

    Harper has taught me a lot about being a seer. The things she writes about on the Adyton of Pythia blog are extremely useful techniques, and getting to watch her in action has been a wonderful opportunity to pick up some best practices she has developed in her years of experience in other witchcraft and faery traditions. I’ve envied before her ability to let the spirits speak through her and to her without it messing up any of her boundaries.

    And we’ve been together for a couple of years now, and are extremely comfortable in ritual. As a result, I was able to just let go and trust her to handle all the aspects of the rite that required consciousness, and I could just let go and say what I saw, felt, smelt, and heard. It was great. I’ve never had that kind of opportunity before. Being the sole mage/scryer, I’ve always had to hold on and not let myself just enjoy the experience.

    Suffice it to say, I had a great time. Bune appeared quickly, and strong in the room. He agreed to consecrate the pots, warning me not to sell them to anyone stupid. It seems they are linked, and that ignorant people using them will make it harder to work through. Sort of like these three pots will never be stronger than the weakest link. Harper said I explained it to her in the language of hydrodynamics, which I am not familiar with, but she is. I don’t remember saying anything about that, but she assures me I did, for about five minutes or so.

    Harper asked what the spirit got out of working with Humans, and he waxed long and in detail about that, and how spirits operate, and how Humans are different. We continued with the rite, and I don’ remember a lot of the details after that. Harper blessed the spirit pots in the name and seal of Bune, and he took up residence in them.

    For more on the actual session, go read Harper’s account on her blog, I don’t have the same kind of approach to remembering things she does, and I was pretty gone through most of the rite.

    When we closed out our workings with terrestrial spirits lately, we’ve started doing a thing Jason Miller told us about. Since we were consecrated as Priests, we have the spiritual authority to ennoble demons. We can “forgive sin,” and “loose that which is bound” and so forth and so on. I won’t pretend to understand what the metaphysics of that entail, or get into the theological implications, but it’s something we’ve started doing when we conjure the spirits, we bless them, ennoble them, and remove any obstacles or imperfections that might lie between them and the Source of us all.

    I suspect this sort of makes them no longer demonic at all, restoring them to the simple chthonic state of being a terrestrial spirit, without the baggage of the belief system that made them sinister in the first place. I don’t think it makes them any less … uh, malefic, if they are of a malefic nature to begin with. I think malefic forces are as natural as anything else.

    But it does remove some of the stigma I might have in working with them. I think “sins” are secretly just human constructs built of ignorance of self that serve to keep a human from the glorious conscious presence of the Most High God. Sin is not what makes a person less worthy or less noble, but it is what makes a person feel like they are less, by agreeing they are somehow bad in some way. Much of the process of the Great Work results in removing these false understandings about who we are and what we want.

    So I think by ennobling the spirits we are working with, by blessing them, we are removing the perceived separation between them and their source that may only exist in our own minds.

    Ok, so I went into it anyway, I didn’t mean to.

    The spirit pots are now consecrated and ready for action! I’ll be writing a post on what that actually looks like next.

  • First Decan of Virgo, via Andrew Watt

    I missed the opportunity to present this in time for it to be of actual use to people for this morning’s dawn ritets, but it may not be too late. I recited these poems aloud and felt their effects, even though it was the lunar hour of the solar day, and the sun may no longer be in the first decan of virgo, technically speaking.

    Do check this out, it is quite lovely:

    http://andrewbwatt.com/2014/08/28/poemhymn-first-decan-of-virgo/

  • The Dukes are Back in Town

    While preparing for MNCON*,  a friend and root worker contacted me for some help with her love life. She was having trouble getting the attention of a gent she had her eye on, and couldn’t quite make him budge the way she meant him to. She was going to make a spirit pot to Saleos, and she showed me the pots she was using, that she got from Amazon. They were beautiful, perfect for making spirit pots. They were just the right size to put some dirt, herbs and spices, and an engraved seal, and they were ornate enough to appeal to the spirits without being all obviously a magical implement. I loved them at first sight.

    Since I was preparing a presentation on making money working with Jupiter and with Bune, I decided to take advantage of the situation. She wanted to make the pot, and have me do the conjure part because that’s not her forte. While that was a good idea, I thought I had a better one. So I was like, “Sure, and I’ll do you one better, I’ll order a few of those pots, make your Saleos pot, conjure him, and I’ll set you up to work with him on your problem and other future events. Then I’ll make a bunch more Bune pots to show people at MNCON, and to sell on the web!”

    I put word to deed, and set about ordering the spirit pots. I also went down to Magus books here in Minneapolis (it’s in an area known as Dinkytown; you can’t make this poop up), and picked up every single herb ruled by Venus listed in Agrippa. They have an awesome selection of herbs and spices, and several different kinds of kratom for sale. They even had a brick of labdinum just sitting there for me. It’s amazing. I got to meet the original owner of the store, and the current owner at MNCON. They were super cool folks, and I plan on doing a lot more socializing and business with them as time goes by.

    When the spirit pots arrived, Harper** fell in love with them, and we agreed she should totally make one for herself. She went through the Lemegeton’s Goetia and picked a Duke, since Saleos was also a Duke, and Bune was a Duke, and we had just bought all the herbs we needed to make spirit pots for Dukes. One of the herbs that ended up in the spirit pots was actually grown by Harper, for reasons.

    The Friday before MNCON, in a Venus hour, Harper and I were making our apologies to our house guests and hitting the garage where the dremel is set up to engrave the copper disks with the appropriate seals to put in our spirit pots. I engraved the Saleos and Bune seals, she engraved the one she wanted, and we were all set. I put some potting soil in the bottom of the spirit pots, to serve as a way to ground and manifest the forces of the spirits we put in the pots, and then added the Venereal herbs: violet, vervain, labdinum, thyme, valerian root, and maidenhair. We didn’t have time to consecrate them before the presentation, so I just took the bags of herbs and the finished spirit pot to MNCON to show how to put the stuff together, and I talked through the conjuration of the spirit that went with it.

    Anyway, yesterday I conjured up Saleos at lunch time and got him working for my friend’s issue. I conjured Saleos back in the day when I was working on my Modern Goetic Grimoire, and when I called him by name and seal, he was pop! right fucking there. It had been a while since I conjured spirits from the Lemegeton, and man, I had forgotten how tasty and juicy and yummy they are to work with. He was present in a heartbeat, and happy and warm and invigorating. I got down to business, consecrated the pot, explained the immediate need and set her up to work with him for clients in the future, and he was all over that. He’d been cooping her out while she researched his seal for a couple weeks, and was digging the energy. Within an hour the guy was asking her out for a weekend of debauchery after ignoring her for two months, apologizing for being distant, and she’s telling me all of what’s going down as it happens on Facebook, and I’m cracking up.

    Later that night, Harper and I conjured up the Duke for her pot, and that was also amazing, and tasty. And now we’re working on the Bune pots. Bwahahahaha!

    Have I mentioned I love doing magic lately? And man, in terms of instant return on investment, nothing is better than the Lemegeton spirits for that magical crack jones we get. They are awesome.

    Table of Practice for Scale
    (Table of Practice not Included)

    And so it is, ladies and gents, that I am back in the demon magic business. I totally cheated a little yesterday and offered Bune a candle and some whiskey for his help finishing the writing of an essay that will be included in Aaron Letich’s upcoming anthology on offerings and spirits. He rocks! And I’m going to be keeping one of the pots for myself, for a while.

    But that leaves two, two beautiful consecrated Bune Spirit Pots available for purchase. I’ll be selling them for $275 each. They aren’t cheap, but I made a lot more money in the time I was working with my spirit pot than that, for sure.

    You’ll get the pot, the seal, and a copy of the Modern Goetic Grimoire, which includes all the blog posts I ever wrote about Bune and the Spirit Pot.

    A Nicer Pic

    I’m not taking orders for additional pots right now, because I don’t know when I’ll have time to make them. Maybe in a month, maybe not, but I’m done selling things I haven’t made yet. That always turns out badly in the end.

    If you’re interested, please email me at salesatrufusopusdotcom.

    It’s the only way to get them.

    But if you’ve paid attention, all the instruction you need is here in this post to make your own for the cost of expenses, so I don’t want to hear any bitching about cost anywhere on the interwebs. Cause I’m working with demons again, motherfuckers.

    The Dukes are back in town.

    * MNCON, if I didn’t mention it, was fucking awesome. You should totally join the OTO and get dues current just for the wine and cheese we had at this thing. So worth it. Scott Stenwick spoke on Enochian, there was a chaos magic couple who did a presentation on sigils using herbs they’d gathered that morning from their forest home. Brother Magog taught on the I Ching, and Sabazius and his lovely wife answered a ton of questions on the Gnostic Mass. Ixel taught us Ebony Anpu’s Tesseract Rite, the primary ritual from Hawk and Jackal, from her notes and correspondence with Ebony before he died. Really, amazing things went down.

    **Dr. Harper Feist, my partner, seer, priestess, herder of Cats, and all around lovely, lovely woman.

  • FUCKING MNCON….

    OMG, fucking MNCON…

    A good time was had by all. If you get a chance to look at pics, they aren’t NEARLY as cool as hanging out in person was. We drank, laughed, learned, drank, ate some cheese, drank some more…

    Ok, it was mostly me drinking, but that’s because there are pros, and then there are amateurs. and I say “mostly” me drinking because I was totally in the presence of pros.

    I spoke on “Gettin’ Made and Gettin’ Paid”, a presentation I’m looking forward to doing again in the future. Basically, it was me and a 12-year-old bottle of The Yamazaki explaining how to do a combination of celestial magic and terrestrial magic (you know, Jupiter AND Bune) to get money quickly and in the long term. I totally secretly made it all about the Great Work, the Summum Bonum, and the awesomeness of Hermetic Magic(k) in general at the same time.

    It took a few days, but the hangovers wore off, and we cleaned the house, and we mowed the yard, and I got caught up (mostly) on a writing project with Aaron Leitch we’re doing with Nephelim Press, and things are getting back to “as normal as it fucking gets around here.”

    I super enjoyed all the people we got to hang out with. Having a local lodge to be a part of is great, I highly recommend it. Magi on hand to talk about all the joys of working with the spirits, all the time, is awesome. Jason Miller tried to tell me at Crucible, but would I listen? NO.

    He was right. Lodge life is super convenient.

    Also: ON HOSPITALITY! After hosting 4 people for the con in a house built for half that number of adult bodies at a time, I’d like to say: THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME ABOUT SHIT THAT COULD HAVE SUCKED! Derek and Brandy, Dean and Kelly, we had a great time in spite of no air conditioning and the last really fucking hot and humid weekend we’ll likely ever have in Minnesota ever. I wish you would have drank more beer and eaten more cheese, but wow, what? Those are the complaints I have?

    Life is good. You’re welcome back any time.

    I also got to meet and speak with some guy who goes by the name Sabazius. I totally ran into him in an elevator at NOTOCON last year, and cornered him after a gig in a small room to thank him, and I managed to make it super awkward both times. I also met his wife, who is awesome in really awesome ways, but I don’t know if it’s kosher to talk too much about that, as #yesallwomen includes the female saints of the OTO.

    But kings are fair game.

    Turns out in real life he’s human, and a lot like every other magician I’ve ever met in the flesh. I’m sure it was projected, but there was a huge Damocles vibe, no matter when I spoke with him. I thoroughly enjoyed all our interactions, but totally didn’t want to bug him the way I’d be bugged if anyone interacted with me the way I saw some people interacting with him, if that makes sense. Uneasy is the head that wears the crown, I suppose, but also I suspect it spends a ton of time bored, annoyed, but has-to-be-pleasant-anyway.

    Again, I’m probably projecting. If you get a chance to hang out with kings in their own courts, pay attention. I imagine it’s like watching Michael Cecchettelli at one of the social gatherings he attends. So fucking weird, you know?

    Anyway, good times were had by all. I’m looking forward to travelling around and seeing more people in more places over the coming months, and returning to normal activities here on the blog.

    Much love, brothers and sisters!

  • Peace of mind… -ish

    Ahhh, the kids are back home in Baltimore, I’ve found a bit of mental peace after a few hectic months, and I’m finally settling into my life here at HFRO HQ-Midwest.

    MPLS Sculpture Garden
    Donnie Darko Nightmare Fodder

    Minneapolis is treating us well, and we’re finally settling into new jobs, new home, and new routines. My kids visited me for four weeks, and I must say, wow. Just wow. People with kids have it harder than people without. I had forgotten, somehow. Like I put it out of my mind or something, how very, very hard it is to parent and provide and nurture and entertain all the freaking time without losing your cool and being a douche.

    But we survived, intact, and we got a third cat out of the deal. Boots rocks. Huge shout out to Neska and Craig for all their help with the cat situation.

    Objects Without Scale are Larger than They  Appear

    Hopefully this will be one of the vanishing few posts that are all about obscure RO-personal life things, as I am free now to turn my full attention back to the Work at Hand. This weekend I’ll be speaking at MNCON, an OTO-only event at Leaping Laughter Lodge. The audience is about maxed out, but if you are interested in a special presentation on wealth magic by yours truly, AND you’re a dues current card carrying member of the OTO, AND you’re close to Minneapolis, MN, sign up and we’ll try to squeeze you in somewhere. Harper’s providing the champagne, and several other things, I’m bringing ice and snacks, and teaching on Jupiter and Bune, Head in the Heavens, Feet in the Hells style Wealth Magics for one and all…

    If you’re dues current.

    *Sigh.* To be honest, I didn’t realize it was like that when I signed on to speak. I thought it was open to the public. But the audience is going to be pretty rarified in some circles, so I am totally not complaining.

    I’m working on a new manifestation of my Projection Phase, which you’ll be seeing more of over the coming weeks. I’ve still got lots in the head that I’m digitizing and prototyping in preparation for what comes next, after the Big Green Event that Nephilim is rolling out shortly. It’s going to be life changing, on a global scale.

    For those who can fucking take the goddamned heat.

    Anyway, much love motherfuckers.

    I’m not dead yet.

  • New Courses Available

    It turns out that I don’t have time for a lot of things these days. For the next month or so, I’m pretty much swamped, booked solid, and generally overwhelmed. Between Kingdom Management and my own ongoing attempts at the Great Work, I haven’t got time for shit right now.

    Fortunately, I have a lot of friends working at making the world a better place for people to do what they want and enjoy their lives. Michael Cecchetelli, author of Crossed Keys, Abraxas, Mardukite Magic and and co-author (who also put together the book) of the Holy Guardian Angel, is someone I may have mentioned before. He knows his shit, and he’s now accepting applications for training in conjure magic.

    In a couple of months, I’m going to be offering some courses of my own, but I am not going to be covering the fundamentals of conjuration the way he will in this course. My focus is going to be more on theory and application of techniques to completely alter your world as you see fit. It will be done using conjure magic, of course, but I’m not going to have time to teach the core techniques people are going to need.

    Folks with his training will do a lot better when they get to my lessons, and I strongly encourage you to sign up right away:

    Michael’s experience allows him to offer useful, personal anecdotes about everything from Greek Magical Papyri and barbarous tongues to Solomonic and other typs of grimoire magic. You aren’t going to find another person offering classes like this anywhere else.

    I’ve argued before that all magic is spirit magic, and a solid course in evocation is the core of actual practice. Now’s a good time to apply, his slots may already be full since Jason Miller also recommended him, but you can fill out the application now and get in line for next time.

  • Term of All that Liveth

    “Term of all that liveth, whose name is inscrutable, be favourable unto us in thine hour.”


    Death comes to us all, and when it does, those of us left behind get to deal with the loss. It is indescribable to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it. When it brushes against me, I find comfort in the following section from the Divine Pymander. I don’t know how well it helps anyone else, but I think it is simple, and beautiful. It’s Pymander’s response to Hermes Trismegistus’ question about what happens when we return to the Source from which all has sprung:

    59. Pim. First of all, in the resolution of the material body, the Body itself is given up to alteration, and the form which it had becometh invisible; and the idle manners are permitted, and left to the Demon, and the senses of the body return into their Fountains, being parts, and again made up into Operations.
    60. And Anger, and concupiscence, go into the brutish or unreasonable nature; and the rest striveth upward by Harmony.
    61. And to the first Zone it giveth the power it had of increasing and diminishing.
    62. To the second, the machinations or plotting of evils, and one effectual deceit or craft.
    63. To the third, the idle deceit of Concupiscence.
    64. To the fourth, the desire of Rule, and unsatiable Ambition.
    65. To the fifth, profane Boldness, and the headlong rashness of confidence.
    66. To the sixth, Evil and ineffectual occasions of Riches.
    67. To the seventh Zone, subtle Falsehood, always lying in wait.
    68. And then being made naked of all the Operations of Harmony, it cometh to the Eighth Nature, having its proper power, and singeth praises to the father with the things that are, and all they that are present rejoice, and congratulate the coming of it; and being made like to them with whom it converseth, it heareth also the Powers that are above the Eighth Nature, singing Praise to God in a certain voice that is peculiar to them.
    69. And then in order they return unto the Father, and themselves deliver themselves to the Powers, and becoming Powers they are in God.
    70. This is the Good, and to them that know, to be desired.

  • Losing weight: in retrospect…

    A couple years ago, I lost a lot of weight. I lost about 65 pounds. I ate healthy, I worked out, and so far I have yet to fall into that trap where you end up as fat as you were before you started, or worse. I feel great, I can make eye contact in the mirror, and look down without shuddering, and I’ve found a few things out about losing weight that I hadn’t realized before.

    Hotties Really do Hit on You
    I was at a bar getting some liquor and a lady started making all the classical indications that she wanted me. I mean, it was textbook, coquettish looks, flirtatious banter, explaining she wasn’t really with the guy she was eating with, the works. I was stunned. Shocked. I had no clue what to do, and just started laughing at the absurdity of it all.
    And she wasn’t the only one. People flirt more with me than they did when I was obese, and it’s not just the ladies. The number of hot gay dudes who friend me on FaceBook is huge now, and I am not any different than I used to be online, I just have less of me in the pics. Except my beard, which is awesome.
    There’s an argument made that people who lose weight get hit on more because they exude confidence, and that if you can fake that, it doesn’t matter if you’re obese. Bullshit. People really do hit on you more when you’re thinner, and being funny or smart doesn’t hurt when you’re also fit and your morphology isn’t grossly impacted by the stored energy you don’t use. The closer you are to the societal standard of good looks, the more you get hit on.
    And why that isn’t mentioned, I have no idea. People use it for motivation a lot. “Get that bikini body” they say, but no one is talking about, “I lost 65 pounds and got hit on at the bar by a hot person I’d totally bang if I were into banging hotties I met at the bar.” 
    Or if they are I haven’t noticed, or I ignored it because I thought it was a gimmick. It’s not. 
    That might sound great, but don’t get too far ahead of yourself, because…
    Your Shape Changes, but You’re Still Marked
    When you’re obese and you lose weight and you get thin, you suddenly discover you’ve got stretchmarks. You may already know you have them, but they become a lot more prominent when you’re thin. Maybe it’s because I go outside without a shirt now, and get tan, and it rings them out or something. I dunno. 
    I’m marked for life, though. I can spend the next 25 years being a normal body weight, and it won’t matter to my skin. I’ll always have some stretchmarks to remind me I used to be fat.
    I’m ok with that. I look at them and just sort of shake my head, thinking, wow, I was huge! 
    Was.

    And that’s ok. We get one life at a time, and we can do what we want with it. I ate a lot and moved hardly at all for a decade, and I have the wear and tear to show it. It really happened, I was that guy, and I’m different now, but that was me. That’s how this shit works. You do stuff, and you get experience, and it shows, physically, mentally, emotionally. We grow, we shrink, we’re different and we’re marked for life by what we do. 
    Works for me, because that works positively too, like when you realize 
    The Number on the Scale was always Total Bullshit

    So when I started losing weight, I was all about the number on the scale. I loved watching it go down, and I felt great doing the calculations for BMI and seeing it go down further and further. Eventually it plateaued, and I spent some months trying to find ways to jump start the weight loss thing again, and had various layers of successes and failures.
    I had made it under the BMI level that said I was obese. I wasn’t losing weight, and my body fat percentage wasn’t going down. I went almost totally vegetarian, and was doing shit tons of cardio. I even considered giving up drinking. Twice.
    Then I started working out for real, not just doing cardio to make the number go down. I started working on my actual body shape at the muscular level, changing my shape by performing a set of exercises to target specific muscle groups. I hit a point where I actually had to gain weight to get where I wanted to be. It took a couple of months to get to the point where I could give no shits what the scale says, except in passing. I go by how I look and what I can lift now, making changes to my routine after giving it 6 weeks to see how it works. At my lowest body weight, I was 165. I’m now hovering right around 180, and my body fat percentage is lower than it ever has been, and I like how I’m looking.
    My focus shifted from how much I weighed to how I feel, and now the scale doesn’t matter. Healthy people don’t care what they weigh, they care how they feel. 
    I feel great when I eat meals that are about 2/3 veggies, some protein, and some intermittent grains. I feel awesome when I move from a 35 pound dumbbell to a 40 pound dumbbell for my set. I love watching the stuff that hangs over my pants disappear, even though my jeans are tighter in the thighs because I can almost squat my body weight now. 
    In other words, I was worried about the wrong shit the whole time, even though I was successfully losing weight. It wasn’t about the weight, it was about how I feel. Which rocks because, then there’s 
    Wrinkles
    Obese people aren’t wrinkly. The fat stretches the skin leaving stretch marks when you lose the weight, but it also hides the wrinkles that come with age. They pop right out when you lose weight, and you see that hey, I don’t erally look 18 without my goatee anymore… and probably haven’t in 10 years. Sheesh!
    Honestly, I don’t mind. I like my wrinkles. When I was obese, my face was round, and smooth, and I looked younger than I was… because I looked like a giant toddler. Fuck that. I’ll take wrinkles over that.
    Almost No One Cares

    When you lose a ton of weight, you feel great, and some people are all “Go you! woohoo!” but mostly, no one gives a shit. Obese people are supportive for the first ten pounds you lose, but when you start losing a lot more and worse, actually keeping it off, they quickly get defensive, and that’s kind of surprising. 
    And fit people are like, yeah yeah yeah, I’ve heard it all before, you’re losing weight, you’re proud of yourself, great, welcome to the club. Now… do you even lift?
    And that’s also great, because your weight shouldn’t be a deal at all. The most important thing is that you enjoy your time in life. I’ve been obese, and now I’m fit, and I can tell you I am enjoying my life so much more now, and it was hard at first, but then it got better, and now I eat what I love and get high at the gym and am socially accepted and respected in ways I wasn’t, and when I see myself naked, I can see I’m the kind of guy who can lose 65 pounds and become a weight lifter without being a jerk, and I look my age, and I feel wonderful.